Growing in a military relationship

Hello!! Glad to see you made your way over! I’m super excited to share today’s post because its Kyle’s birthday and we are officially under 100 days until he comes home from deployment! So, I figured it would be fun to do a post that shares how we have continued to grow our relationship even being halfway around the world from one another. It takes two to make a relationship work so I figured it would take two to write this post (Kyle helped me write this, he just doesn’t know it yet)! The other day I asked Kyle what the top five things we do that he thinks are important in continuing to grow as a couple over distance. I truthfully didn’t know what to expect from his answer, but I was not shocked by what he listed because I felt the same. So here we are to share our top seven most important things needed to continue to grow over distance (we had some overlaps which are why it’s not 10 lol).

The first one is important despite the distance between the two of you: 

Communication

It sounds very cliché, but you do not realize the importance that communication plays in relationships, especially when you aren’t with each other regularly. Not getting to see one another regularly means you need to communicate with one another things that are easily just assumed when in the presence of one another. Kyle and I are very privileged because we get to talk quite frequently but we know that, that privilege can get take away at any time so each night before we go to bed, we send each other an email with detailed facts about our day or our lives. Not everyone has the luxury to talk to their deployed significant other at all times but do try to arrange a communication method that works. A phone call once a week, a hand-written letter every Monday, or an email. 

The second one relates closely to communication:

Get creative with how you communicate outside of talking.

This one definitely sounds funny, but it is important! Having regular contact is not always an option, so get creative with the ways you can communicate. One-way Kyle and I love to do this by sending each other things. Obviously, care packages are a must for deployments so creating boxes for Kyle is so fun and really stirs your creativity. A fun thing I did in one of his boxes was sent the Five Love Languages Military Edition. But I didn’t just send the box, I read it, highlighted in it and even wrote throughout the book then taped a different color highlighter and a pen to it for him to do the same! Kyle loves to send packages back and he always writes long letters. He also just ordered a bunch of cards off of Amazon to mail me a letter weekly. Again, it’s about getting creative with the ways you can communicate over distance. 

The third one is different but it’s a fun way to grow:

Create goals as individuals and as a couple.

Just because you aren’t physically together doesn’t mean you can’t still plan out goals. When your significant another left you probably picked up some hobbies or things you want to accomplish. Share those goals! That way they can push you to achieve them and it gives you two something to talk about on the phone or in letters. This works both ways, just because your significant other is deployed doesn’t mean they don’t have goals. On top of your personal goals, it’s important to create goals you wish to achieve as a couple whether it is during or after deployment. Kyle and I have a google docs page with goals or things we want to accomplish. You can also write them in a notebook and share them if you can’t communicate over email. If none of that’s an option then be sure to communicate with one another your goals. Just because you’re separate from one another doesn’t mean you stop pushing each other in your goals. 

The fourth one is also different but a fun way to plan for homecoming:

Plan out date nights

Kyle and I also have a google doc of all the date night ideas we come up with. Being separate from one another for so long can be tough but compiling a list of fun things the two of you can do once reunited gives you something to look forward to. Then you’ll be able to pull out your list of date night ideas when you aren’t sure what you two should do on Saturday night. If you can’t make a joint list, create a list on your phone and when you two get to talk discuss some of your ideas. 

The fifth one is tough but good:

Expressing emotions to each other 

This sounds so crazy but learning what and how someone gets upset is important and if you can learn it over a distance that’s great. As time goes on, people change, attitudes change, people’s emotions even change. So, learning what upsets someone, what frustrates someone, and what makes some happy is good. It is extremely difficult to pick up on someone’s emotions over some words on a piece of paper or a screen. With that being said, yes you may get extremely upset with one another, but you need to communicate that with one another. How are they going to know what upsets you if you don’t tell them what they said upset you? It’s good to discover tension because it brings about more information for you to learn about each other. Along with discussing what upsets you, expressing what you struggle with is good as well that way they can help you through your issues instead of adding to the stress. 

The sixth one is kinda cliché:

Always say I love you

Before you start any phone call, email, text, letter, or however you are communicating be sure to say I love you. You don’t know when your communication will get cut off and you don’t want it to be left unsaid. Plus, it never hurts to tell you’re significant other how much they actually mean to you. Just hearing that simple I love you can give you a smile and that push to make it through another day of not being with each other. Kyle and I always make sure to remind each other that we love each other, miss each other, and most importantly to keep smiling. Just hearing “keep smiling bean” can really put a smile on your face, especially if you’re having a tough day. 

The last and final one, that many try to avoid: 

Try to find ways to maintain intimacy

This totally sounds crazy, but it is a regular function the human body needs. This may not be for everyone, but it really does help you grow closer in an area that struggles while separate from one another. Maybe try having boudoir photos taken that you can mail in a package, or maybe write a letter with some details! You can choose to be a reserve or as creative as you want with this. But don’t forget to help fill this need on both of your ends. 

When Kyle and I had this conversation, it was fun to see what we felt was helping us grow. It can be extremely difficult at times to be in a military relationship because your best friend isn’t always regularly available but just because they’re gone doesn’t mean you should put your relationship on pause. Find ways to get creative with your situation to grow as a couple and show the support you both need from one another.